A visit to the doc

So I had the flu the other week, along with my whole house (no, the house itself didn't have the flu..although if it did I wonder how big the tissues would be?)
Anyway, I was watching a movie, Ghost Town this afternoon and the funniest scene came up as the guy had to visit the doctors. Just made me feel grateful that my flu passed quickly enough that I wouln't be in a conversation like this:

Nurse- "Name?"
Guy- "Puncls"
Nurse- "Spell it?"
Nurse- "Date of birth?"
Guy- "Why?"
Nurse- Sternly and slowly, "What day were you born?"
Guy- "No, I understood the question but why do you need to know that.."
Nurse- " Let's leave it blank..."
Nurse- "Weight?"
Guy "That's a bit personal isn't it?!"
Nurse " Number of alcoholic beverages consumed per week?"
Guy- "Why do you need to know that?"
Nurse" Well they wanna know"
Guy "Well I'm sure that they wanna know alotta things but I don't want my intimate details auctioned out to the highest bidder willy nilly"
Nurse "I'll put zero...Marital Status?"
Guy "Pass."
Nurse "Profession?"
Guy- "Irrelevant"
Nurse "Food allergies?"
Guy "Well I'm not gonna be eatin here, am i?"
Nurse- "Are you allergic to sticking plaster?"
Guy "What a luuudicris question, I'm not going to answer any more of these..."
Nurse "Do you Smoke.....Dentures....When was the last time you ate?"
Guy- Stammers.......

Hmm, makes me wonder though why they need these details from you anyway. Okay, fair enough for the usual things- smoking, heart disease, anal seepage, etc, but all they're going to do is throw some antibiotics down your throat and push you out of the office to be bombarded by more intimate questions. You've gotta love the "How many sexual partners have you had?" And the "How long have you and your partner been intimate?" Like, C'mon!!!

Anyway, so as the flu is going around again and my personal view that they won't need most of this information anyway- I think we should all have a bit of a laugh and be outrageous in all of the answers that you find irrelevant....

Sexual partners- "457"
Length of intimacy with crrent partner- "I have 3 partners"
Profession- "Inventor of Post-it notes"
Food allergies- "I'm allergic to all foods. I live off air."
Number of alcoholic Beverages consumed per week- "If this includes the one I'm drinking right now, I'd say about 12 bottles of rum, 3 bottles of gin and 3 cases of VB."

Hope this brightens your sick day one day.
Adios.x